Thursday, January 31, 2013

Jerk pastors, wing shortages & homophobes, oh my!

I don't know about you, but I've had a draining week. I don't want to discuss anything of importance or think; I just want to make it through the day and then go to bed early. Thus, my reading today hasn't been very high-end.

First, did you see this article about the jerk pastor who was so incensed by a restaurant's policy to add an 18% tip to large parties that he scratched out the tip, left nothing, and wrote in the following:

He's filled with the love of Christ.
If you can't see it, he wrote in: "I give God 10%, why do you get 18". Then he scratched out any tip and left the server nothing. Really. It seems to me that it's a bad idea to invoke God as your excuse for being an ass. It's just doesn't help in winning converts.

Then there were articles about the "Super Bowl Chicken Wing Apocalypse." Apparently two men stole 26,000 pounds of chicken wings and the National Chicken Council reported a 1% drop in chicken production. Oh lawd, it's the perfect storm! Super Bowl wing prices will spike which will lead to unhappy sports fans which will lead to...the end of the world?

Crap. I'll never get out of them.

Calm down and put down the paper bag you're breathing into. Apparently the news was blown out of proportion and there will be enough wings for everyone. I'm still confused about one thing, though. How the heck do you steal 26,000 pounds of wings?

Oh, that explains it.

In more upsetting (although not unpredictable) news, San Francisco 49ers back-up cornerback Chris Culliver came out of the closet as a homophobe yesterday, stating that openly gay NFL players are not welcome. Here are his full remarks:
"I don't do the guys.  I don't do that.  We don't have any gays on the team.  They gotta get up outta here if they do.  Can't be with that sweet stuff."
In an angle uncovered by traditional media outlets, is it just me, or does that quote seem to suggest that Culliver is a closeted homosexual? I mean, there's no way to prove it, but who says "I don't do the guys" and that he "can't be with that sweet stuff"? That sounds like someone who'd really like to get with that sweet stuff but is forced to live a life of shame because of the bigotry that infests professional sports. Just a thought.

He got into football just so he could openly wear pink in October.
Well, if that story brought you down, I'll leave you with something fun: cats posed to recreate classic album covers. Enjoy!



    PS. That pastor is a douchecanoe!


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